Meet the Olympians part 2
In our continuing look at the heroes of the Beijing Olympics, everyone else will today highlight the other female Olympic gymnastics powerhouse. That is, of course, the women from America. We don’t have time to cover each one, but we will look at the top 3:
US Olympian Shawn Johnson
The first is Shawn Johnson from Iowa. Shawn is excited about being in Beijing for the Olympics, and hopes to get the gold. She enjoys giving superficial Tepee hugs to her friends, wearing pony tails, and generally thinks she is better than others. “I am in the Olympics because I am better than you,” she recently said in a general statement to other Americans.
US Olympian Bridget Sloan
Next is Bridget Sloan from Indiana. Bridget is excited about being in Beijing for the Olympics, but knows that she is completely forgettable. “No one is supposed to remember me after the games,” she told our reporters. “Even though I look exactly like the other girls, I am only there to make it look like there are more than 2 girls on the team.” She enjoys giving superficial Tepee hugs to her friends, wearing pony tails, and generally thinks she is better than others. “Even though I won’t win anything, I’m still better than you. I will marry a really rich guy, and then someday I’ll get pretty fat, but I’m better than you,” she said.
US Olympian Nastia Liukin
Finally, we have Nastia Liukin. Let’s face it, she’s just like all the others, except a little taller, with not so cute a name. Even though her family isn’t originally from the US, she still feels quite at home in Texas. She enjoys giving superficial tepee hugs to her friends and wearing pony tails. When asked what she’s passionate about she told our reporters, “Well, I’m supposed to say gymnastics, but really I’m more obsessed with hurting my parents for having named me Nastia. Do you know how much I get made fun of for that? ‘Hey, come over here and let’s do the Nastia…hahahaha. I plan to get them back by becoming really slutty when I get a little older.”
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People we’ve offended: OK, we do apologize for this one, to all of the US women’s gymnastics team. See the joke is that they all look like cookie-cutter white girls. And the whole tepe hug and pony-tail thing is really obnoxious. And come on, everyone has thought about Nastia’s name. But we hope these girls never read this, or if they do, we hope they can take a joke. Actually, we’re quite proud of them.
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